| So I've been thinking of something kind of disturbing recently.
I keep having this feeling that the life I've been living isn't real at all. For some reason I really think that I'm actually in a coma right now, and that everything that I experience/say/feel/etc. is just my subconcious being creative. Like it makes me feel like everyone I've met, everything I've done, all I am has been created by my mind and is in no way real.
It's also made me think of what if I really am in a coma, and I wake up soon, what it would be like if I am back to age 5 and everything I experienced in my coma actually exists. Like what if I met the same people in my life as I have in this life.
This is really hard to put into words. If I could show you into my mind, you'd understand all of my thoughts. Of course.
I know this is all absurd, but I have had this really strong feeling that I'm just imagining everything, but of course this isn't true.
I won't lie though. This thought has given me extreme joy. The thought of waking up and being with my dad again. Or awakening knowing everything I do now. Like being born again, but equipped with the knowledge of an eighteen year old. I would be able to live my life how I would enjoy it, without having to make any of the mistakes that hurt.
I'm too much of a dreamer. I really hurt myself with these ideas. I give myself way too much false hope.
I think I'm actually confused with life right now.
I keep second guessing myself.
Like what if I won't make it in Medicine, or what if I really want to do something else.
I need to find something to make me believe life has a purpose.
I used to be fine, but now, I see no reason for being.
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| For the first time in my life, I saw something profound writen on a bathroom stall.
It was in the bathroom of the tom thumb on harwood.
Someone wrote:
"Cogito ergo sum. (I think; therefore I am.)
- Descartes
What else can we prove?"
how amazing |
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| http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20061230/ap_on_re_mi_ea/saddam
Saddam Hussein is dead. |
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| This started out as a good break, but I've been let down in a lot of ways. |
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| I've been a member of xanga for 1107 days.
I heard a song for the first time in the 1107 days I've had this thing. Well it was the first time I ever heard it, but 1107 is a huge number.
Leave the correct name of the artist and song, without looking it up (if possible).
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I can't get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications
Especially at night
I worry over situations
I know I'll be alright
Perhaps it's just imagination
Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away
Alone between the sheets
Only brings exasperation
It's time to walk the streets
Smell the desperation
At least there's pretty lights
And though there's little variation
It nullifies the night from overkill
Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away
Come back another day
I can't get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications
Especially at night
I worry over situations
I know I'll be alright
It's just overkill
Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away
Ghosts appear and fade away
Ghosts appear and fade away
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For some reason, I think this song is going to influence my life in a way I don't know yet. |
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